


Do you believe in reincarnation?

by FiendMaz



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blood, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Violence, Past Character Death, Reincarnation, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:06:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6869761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiendMaz/pseuds/FiendMaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Naruto was left with just lingering whispers on a cold night but years later, with encouraging words, he went on a Christmas vacation that would change the rest of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you believe in reincarnation?

"Sasuke…" A little boy with golden hair knelt in front of a dying boy with raven hair, tears running down his face. "Sasuke…"

And it was almost as if the golden boy had been transported into a tragic movie with him and the raven as the main characters. A tragic movie, a terrible nightmare, an apocalypse, an invasion, a drunken imagination of the twisted part of his soul, a – something, anything, was fine so long as someone told him what was happening wasn't reality. It couldn't be. It shouldn't be.

The golden boy kept whispering the words again and again as if it was a mantra to keep the dying boy alive.

"Sasuke…"

"Sasuke…"

"Sasuke…"

Until a cough of blood was ejected from the little raven's mouth made the golden boy hush himself to give the other his undivided attention.

The little raven's lips stained with blood parted, as he spoke with tremendous emotion that would break anyone's heart into a million pieces as they watch him struggle to keep breathing – struggling to see and touch and hold and love the golden boy before him.

"Dobe…" The raven whispered. "I'll see you… again…"

And just like that, the golden boy nodded and sniffed, holding in the noises that were trying to claw out of his mouth as he memorized the words, the tone, the emotions, and… everything.

_"Dobe… I'll see you… again…"_

He memorized the words that would reverberate in his mind for years to come… maybe even for his whole life.

_"Dobe… I'll see you… again…"_

The words that would haunt him yet give him enough hope to keep living.

_"Dobe… I'll see you… again…"_

Those simple words that struck the innermost chord of his heart and had the lethal potential to kill him from the inside… slowly…

"SASUKE!" Howled a miserable voice.

The golden boy couldn't understand who was screaming but his own mouth was open and his throat felt wounded. There was no air in his lungs. And it slowly dawned on him that he was the one shouting; screaming in so much pain because everything hurt. Life wasn't worth living anymore. He couldn't feel reality.

"Sasuke…" He sobbed, holding onto a cooling hand as he looked past his tears to burn the image of his lover dying in his arms; his lover – his strong lover – who was holding onto life just to look back into his blue eyes with his black ones. Sasuke… who was mouthing the word 'Don't die'.

The words engraved itself into the deepest part of Naruto's breaking heart.

"Sasuke, stay with me..."

And like the horror movie Naruto dearly wished it was, Sasuke coughed out blood, squeezed his hand, smiled with obvious effort, and…

Died.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

Ten years later found Naruto in his home, curled up on his bed, crying for all he was worth. In his hand, he held a small crumpled black shirt, damp with his tears. He looked emancipated; a clear sign of a person who didn't eat well. His eyes were sunken, dirty blonde hair (once golden) hung limp around his face, and the skin on his body was a paling tan (the kind that resulted from a lack of sun).

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock._

Far from the bedroom, at the front door of the house, came the knocks and a voice.

"Naruto? Naruto?" It was a feminine voice, slightly high but still gentle, laced with concern.

The door knob twisted and the female entered the house, her bottom lip being worried by her teeth as she closed the door behind her. She tentatively took a step forward and her soft pink hair moved with her as she went up the staircase and entered the bedroom.

"Naruto…" She murmured.

Sakura walked over to the lump on the bed and put her hand on the trembling back, rubbing soothing circles. "Naruto… please, stop this… Sasuke wouldn't want you to be like this…"

"Sasuke… Sasuke is dead…" The lump looked over to Sakura with dead eyes. "I want to follow him. I want to follow him! But he… He…" An anguished cry was ripped from Naruto's throat. "He said… He said he'll see me again. He… He will."

"Oh, Naruto…" But Sakura didn't have the heart to tell her friend that it was impossible.

And that was the daily routine of Sakura for the past nine years she had known the boy.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

Another Decade Later…

"Sakura, I…"

Sakura smiled and patted her friend on the shoulder. "Naruto, listen! I'm happy you're going on vacation. It's okay! I'll be fine spending Christmas by myself. Don't worry about me! I can invite my friends." She took a hold of Naruto's hand. "Listen, you enjoy your Christmas vacation, okay? Be happy. That'll make me happy. And… And Sasuke will be happy too."

Naruto gave her a tentative smile. "Yes." He looked at his friend's emerald eyes. "I can't wait to see Sasuke. Thank you, Sakura. Enjoy Christmas!"

Sakura's lips quirked up into a smile. "Yes, Naruto." She said softly. Sakura stood up and hugged Naruto as tightly as she could. "I love you, Naruto. Remember that, okay? You're my bestfriend. My _best_ one. Have a great Christmas. Now, off you go! I hear the announcement." She pointed to the ceiling to indicate the voice floating out of the speakers.

"– final boarding call for passenger Uzumaki Naruto booked on flight BA0284 to London, Heathrow. Please proceed to gate A10 immediately. The final checks are being completed and the captain will order for the doors of the aircraft to close in approximately five minutes time. I repeat. This is the final boarding call for Uzumaki Naruto. Thank you."

Naruto stepped away from Sakura and gave his friend a genuine (but small) smile. "See you next year, Sakura!"

After rushing over to gate A10, handing over his passport and ticket, Naruto was finally settling down on his comfortable and spacious seat. He accepted the towel being handed to him and rubbed his face harshly but he soon just pressed the material to his eyes as tears fell.

The first time he rode an airplane was with Sasuke. They had dragged the frame of a beat up couch to their place and stacked pillows on top and sat beside each other pretending they were on a trip – to where, it never mattered.

It was one of the rare moments he and Sasuke had time to themselves without pressure from the outside world. No screaming reminders from their daily routines to remind them of how much they needed money for food and water, no notice of evacuation from their home when the government decided to clear out the slums, no robbers breaking into their shanty house, no nothing but each other.

Sasuke had complained about the wailing of a child from outside their window that didn't seem to need to breathe for their entire 'flight' while Naruto snuggled the raven with a smile thinking that their neighbour's child would have to be a bird to disturb if they really were in an airplane and that Sasuke was plain adorable.

A sob tore his mouth apart as he lowered the towel to his mouth, looking around the first class section of the airplane.

If only Sasuke was with him.

If only Sasuke was still alive to enjoy this with him.

Naruto shook his head and wiped his face one last time before pressing his face on the window. And he forced a smile onto his face that slowly became real as he remembered that he was going to be seeing Sasuke real soon.

Naruto sat up straight and closed his window as a stewardess stood at the front and started doing the briefing.

"– There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."

Laughter resounded in the plane but Naruto wasn't smiling. He gripped his arm rest tightly and fought back the urge to throw up.

He knew all too well what one of the ways to leave a lover was.

*~*Time Skip*~*

_"Granny, I'm fine. Interns aren't supposed to have a break!"_

_"Nonsense, Naruto!" Tsunade tapped her foot impatiently on the floor. "I am your grandmother and boss. I have every right to tell you what to do and I am ordering you to go on vacation! Vacation!" She shouted as Naruto tried to speak. "Now, I've arranged everything except your itinerary. Do whatever you want. Use up all the money in the credit card I gave you for all I care." Tsunade held up a hand to tell Naruto to shut his mouth. "As long as you smile every single day you are there, I am happy."_

_Naruto smiled and hastily grabbed the brown envelope being thrown at him before it hit his face. "Granny, what's this?"_

_"That, kid, has all the papers you need! Now, get out! I have your work to finish." Tsunade sat down heavily on her chair and downed a cup of sake. "Enjoy your vacation. Merry Christmas, Naruto." She said with a loving smile._

Naruto opened his eyes and tears threatened to fall from his eyes once more but this time he held them in. His hot breath fogged the glass but he could see his reflection. He was smiling.

Ever since his grandmother had found him, he had been living in better circumstances. Admittedly, it was hard at first since he was found by Tsunade when he was still grieving Sasuke's death. Even today, he wasn't completely over it. It hurt his heart. But Tsunade had found him, dragged his thin and frail body from the slums, clothed him, and made him live in her house.

He had met Sakura not long after and she started to take care of his well-being. She force-fed him and hugged him when the pain became too strong to handle. And slowly, Sakura and Tsunade had made him able to start living again.

*~*Time Skip*~*

"Weather at our destination…"

Naruto groaned lowly and he shifted in his seat as the announcement pierced through his dream.

"…with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive."

A bout of laughter effectively had Naruto waking as he cracked a weak smile to the joke.

This airline was unconventional.

"Thank you. And remember, nobody loves you or your money more than British Airways."

Naruto snorted. His mood was slowly being lifted up by the continuous raucous of laughter around him.

"As you exit the plain, please make sure to gather all of your belongings."

With a stretch, Naruto asked a passing steward for water.

"Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants."

"Is this pilot serious?" Naruto asked under his breath with a short chuckle.

"The next time you get an insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at British Airways."

Naruto shook his head in disbelief. A steward stopped at his side and he nodded in thanks before drinking the water handed to him.

A few moments later had Naruto biting his lip as the plane dipped down. The sensation was… pleasant as well as unpleasant.

_"Sasuke, this…"_

_Sasuke smirked and rubbed Naruto's crotch as they imagined their plane steadily lowering to land._

_"Mmm…"_

_"Shh… we can't get caught. We'll be jailed." Sasuke chuckled. "But then we're just kids."_

Naruto closed his eyes and smiled to himself. "Sasuke…" He whispered softly.

The plane finally touched land and Naruto bounced on his seat from the rough landing. When the plane finally halted to a stop, Naruto noticed his death grip on the arm rest and he slowly let go of it with a sheepish expression.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to London. Please remain in your seats while the captain brings what's left of the plane to a screeching halt up against the gate."

The unhappy expressions of the passengers were replaced with smiles.

Naruto smiled too but his thought was on Sasuke and how he wished the raven was with him to hear the jokes. He knew it was unhealthy to think of his dead… lover all the time but… he couldn't forget Sasuke. He didn't want to.

"Did we land or were we shot down?" A smooth voice asked from beside Naruto.

Naruto snorted at the question and looked over to give a smile. His face froze mid-smile as his eyes met intense black ones. Dimly, he felt his heart palpitate painfully.

The passenger smiled back at him but soon his pale face contorted to concern as Naruto felt himself lurch from his seat. But Naruto continued staring at the man and his stomach birthed butterflies. For a moment he felt like he died and finally went to heaven with Sasuke and then his vision swam and he promptly threw up before he lost consciousness.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

"Little brother, I can't believe the first thing you did in London was to bring a passenger to the hospital."

"Itachi, he fainted in front of me. It wasn't like I caused this!"

Naruto pressed a hand to his eyes as he forced himself to listen to one of the voices. It was like an old heartache but he was happy to hear Sasuke's voice once more. He wanted to keep dreaming but why was Sasuke talking to someone else?"

"Well," A sigh. "I'll just have to take responsibility of him."

"That's good, little brother. You've learned from me after all."

A snort and then, "I'll go grab a drink."

Blue eyes blinked open and stared at a tan palm. Naruto wondered why the brightness had to ruin his dream. He sighed and put his hand down.

_Click._

"Oh, good, you're awake!"

Naruto flinched as his hand was held and he froze once more as he met intense black eyes but they seemed different. He slumped and rubbed at his heart as he realised he mistook his seatmate as Sasuke.

The man patted his head and Naruto swallowed down his bile as he remembered Sasuke doing the exact same thing.

"You… remind me of Sasuke…" Naruto said softly and he ignored the way his heart throbbed painfully.

The man looked like Sasuke but he had longer hair and it wasn't raven in colour. He also wore expensive clothes and had signs of old age on his face.

Naruto frowned again as he finally noticed his white surroundings but his thoughts were interrupted by the man.

"I'm Itachi. I see you and my brother are acquainted."

"Naruto…" Naruto wrinkled his noise and gave a steady gaze to the man. "Your brother?"

"Sasuke is my little brother." Itachi replied smoothly.

"What..? Then he had… a family too…" Naruto looked down to his hands and he didn't bother stopping the tears the flowed from his eyes. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I… Sasuke… He…" The blonde swallowed but didn't say anymore as he was hugged. He gratefully cried on Itachi's shoulder.

"What did my brother do?" Itachi asked as he rubbed the blonde's back in a soothing manner.

_Click._

"I heard that. What are you talking about, Itachi?"

Naruto drew in a shuddering breath and whimpered. He hugged Itachi tighter and tried to will away the voice of his dead lover. Naruto couldn't disgrace Sasuke by acting like an insane man to Sasuke's brother.

"Itachi? Why are you hugging him?"

Naruto whimpered again and pulled away. "I'm sorry…" He whispered to the voice in his mind.

Itachi frowned at Naruto before focusing on his little brother. "Sasuke, you know this man?"

Naruto's breath hitched as he heard the words. " _Sasuke?_ "

A hand on his shoulder turned him around and Naruto found himself face to face with a young man that looked exactly like his lover.

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha." The young man extended a hand. "You look familiar. Have we met before?" Sasuke shrugged. "Before the plane, I mean?"

Naruto shakily shook the hand. One thought was running in his mind: Did he say… Sasuke Uchiha?

_"Dobe… I'll see you… again…"_

Blue eyes blinked rapidly as Naruto held onto his tears and emotions. He gripped the sheets covering half of his body and willed himself to calm down. His heart was racing. He had dreamt of this encounter many times. Sasuke promised to see him again and the raven never lied so Naruto was prepared.

_"Sakura, you know what Sasuke told me before he died? He said he'd see me again." Naruto smiled wistfully. "Sasuke… The teme always did believe in reincarnation."_

_Sakura twirled her pink hair around. "Um…" She started tentatively. "Naruto… Have you ever thought – You know, I mean… Have you ever thought about what you would do when you meet Sasuke?"_

_Naruto looked up at his white ceiling and smiled genuinely. "Yeah… I'll… Of course I want to be with him again but…" Naruto shook his head. "I'm happy if I can see him again. I want to see him well and alive and happy then… Then I'll befriend him so I can be happy seeing him live his life. I… I want to be his friend."_

_"You won't… You know… Be his lover again?"_

_Naruto frowned. "That's…"_

Naruto took a deep breath as he felt his world righted itself once more. He grinned at the Sasuke in front of him. "No, I don't think we've met. I'm Naruto Uzumaki."

Sasuke smiled at him. "Ah… nice to meet you, Naruto." The raven looked over to Itachi. "'I'll see you later then? I'll take him to his hotel or wherever."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

Naruto fidgeted in his seat beside Sasuke, unsure of what he was supposed to be doing. The cool air conditioner of the car blasted against his face while the rain poured outside. It was freezing Naruto but he wasn't about to complain since Sasuke seemed to like the temperature.

"So, Naruto, you're here on vacation?"

Naruto made an unmanly startled yelp. "Ah, ah, well… you could say that."

Sasuke made a noise.

"Er…" Naruto scratched his head. "I don't really have any solid plans. I've never been here either."

"Oh, really? I actually came here for quality time with my brother." Sasuke said conversationally as he made a right turn. "Well, I say that but it's not like Itachi has time to spare for me aside from the occasional lunch."

"That's… Shouldn't he spend more time with you?" Naruto frowned. "Family is more important than anything." Naruto jumped as Sasuke briefly squeezed his hand.

"Sorry, you're really jumpy. I hope I'm not making you nervous." Sasuke scratched his cheek. "Um… Anyway, yeah, I know what you mean but Itachi's doing it for me. He's been taking care of me ever since our parents died."

"I'm sorry." Naruto said and he meant it.

Sasuke shook his head. "No, it's okay, I have Itachi. So," Sasuke stopped the car in front of the entrance to the Central Hotel. He tugged at his raven locks once and then took a breath. "Look, uh, this might sound weird and I swear I'm not a weirdo or anything…" Sasuke stopped the car by the Central Hotel and turned to look at Naruto. "Do you want to spend the week with me? I can show you around and everything. I grew up here."

Naruto blinked slowly as he processed the words. "What?"

Sasuke laughed. "I'm saying, Dummy, I'll tour you around London during your stay. What do you say?"

"Okay," Naruto bit his lip as he smiled. "Y-yeah, sounds great."

"Okay?"

Naruto nodded.

"Then, again, don't take this the wrong way." Sasuke pointed at the beige coloured building. "But this hotel is pretty crap compared to my flat. Come stay with me instead." Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "Please? I'm pretty desperate for company here."

A moment passed then, for the first time in two decades, Naruto's eyes sparkled as he laughed genuinely. "Okay."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

The rest of Naruto's first day in London was spent unpacking his stuff in Sasuke's one-bedroom flat. At first, they had argued about their sleeping arrangements; Naruto wanted to sleep on the couch as he wasn't quite ready for the emotional distress that would come with sleeping with Sasuke.

Well, if argued was even the right term since Naruto didn't have the heart to disagree with Sasuke in the first place. He was just requesting… insistently at that. So it wasn't much of a surprise when Sasuke won the 'argument' and proceeded to roll Naruto's luggage to the bedroom.

It was twilight when they left the flat and they rode the car once more. Sasuke parked the car and they had stopped by Pret A Manger for some grub before walking all the way to the River Thames.

Naruto walked alongside Sasuke, eyes darting everywhere but at the raven. And it was a relief to him when he found himself easily enthralled by the beauty of London. However, it was short-lived.

"So, we're at Albert Embankment." Sasuke announced.

Naruto held in a surprised yelp as he was led over to the rail.

"You see the reflection of the lights from the street lamps and Westminster Palace?"

Naruto nodded to acknowledge Sasuke's words.

"It's beautiful, right? This is a great romantic spot actually. Most couples take strolls here… Or, well, I'd like to think so…" Sasuke said.

Naruto bit his bottom lip as sadness washed over him. A tug on his shirt made him reflexively look at Sasuke. His eyes watered almost immediately.

Sasuke frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Oh," Naruto wiped his eyes. "I… I just… I'm just grieving is all… I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Sasuke placed his hand on Naruto's shoulder then he hesitated a bit before closing their distance.

Naruto returned Sasuke's hug, eyes streaming with tears as he settled perfectly in the strong arms.

"If you'd let me, I want to make you forget and be happy while you're here." Sasuke whispered. "You know, you really seem so familiar to me."

The day after, Sasuke dragged Naruto to the London Eye and bought them both sundaes before forcing Naruto to take pictures with everything – even the light posts. Slowly, Naruto forgot the pain he felt from being a stranger to the Sasuke he was with.

"Wow, what's this?" Naruto asked as Sasuke tugged at his jacket.

"The Sherlock Holmes!" Sasuke announced proudly as he brought Naruto to stand in front of the red building. "It's a pub." He looked at Naruto's confused face. "Oh no, don't tell me you don't know who Sherlock Holmes is?"

Naruto shook his head in the negative.

"I am… shocked." Sasuke said flatly. "No matter, let's go in. I'll force you to watch through the greatest detective in the world do his thing."

Sasuke was true to his word.

"I'm Sheeerlock Holmesss, theee world'sss only consulting deetective!" Naruto exclaimed as he and Sasuke stumbled out of the pub.

"Can we pleaaaase not do this thissss time?" Sasuke slurred.

Naruto attempted to put up his collar but fumbled instead, tripping on his feet as he lost his attention to where he was walking. "Doo whaat?

"You!" Sasuke pointed at Naruto. "Bein' all mysteriousss with your cheekbones!" Sasuke cackled as he pinched Naruto's cheek. "And turning your coat – pft – jackeeet collar up sooo you look coooool!"

The next morning they woke up with massive headaches questioning each other how they even got back to the flat.

"Ow!"

Naruto peeked out the bedroom to see Sasuke hopping on one foot.

"It hurtsss!" The raven whined.

Naruto laughed and threw the shirt he was wearing seconds ago at Sasuke's form.

Sasuke grabbed the shirt and grinned. "DAMN MY LEG! I'm so sorry. It's just sometimes this thing is just…" He used the shirt and dramatically wiped his non-existent tears away then threw it back at Naruto.

"I understand, dearie." Naruto held the shirt to his heart then to his hip. "I've got a hip!"

"You're an army doctor!" Sasuke exclaimed as he plopped down on the black couch, massaging his foot.

Naruto threw his shirt away and walked into the living room. "Yes."

"Any good?" Sasuke teased.

"Very good." Naruto waggled his eyebrows.

"Seen a lot of injuries then?"

Naruto made a fake gasp. "Violent deaths, Sasuke!" He laughed. "Well, yes."

"Bit of trouble too, I bet." Sasuke waved at Naruto to sit on the couch.

Naruto started moving to were Sasuke sat. "Of course, yes. Enough for a lifetime. Far too much."

Sasuke paused. "Want to see some more?"

"Oh, God, yes." Naruto replied but then he paused too, sadness overcoming his features. "Those words are too true."

Sasuke tugged Naruto down to sit on the couch in alarm. "Hey, hey, stop thinking."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah…"

"See." Sasuke pointed at his injured foot. "It hurts!"

Naruto smiled.

Lunch came and he and Sasuke finally met up with Itachi again during dinner. It was at an expensive looking hotel that had Naruto fidgeting uncomfortably, feeling out of place by all the glitz and glamour surrounding him. Sasuke had noticed and joked with him from time to time until a phone call from work had the raven excusing himself from the table.

Naruto toyed with the white table napkin on his lap before he raised his eyes to look at the elder Uchiha who cleared his throat.

"Naruto," Itachi smiled warmly. "Thank you for keeping my brother company. I really do try to get out of work but…" He sighed. "The end of the year is really quite busy."

Naruto blinked. "Oh no, I should be the one thanking. Sasuke's been very nice to me."

Itachi tilted his head to the side, smile still in place. "Ah, well, little brother tells me he feels like he knows you somehow." The elder Uchiha reached over to grasp Naruto's hand. "By the way, Naruto, I'm really sorry to hear about your grieving during such a time of the year."

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise and Itachi patted his hand before retreating. "I hope you don't mind me knowing. Sasuke and I are quite close so he tells me most everything."

"Ah… Yeah, no, I mean, that's okay. I'm happy to hear you guys are so close." Naruto smiled. He was genuinely happy for Sasuke. Before when they were kids – when Naruto and… his Sasuke were kids, they had no one and lived in constant fear. Life now… was definitely like a dream for both of them. And in that moment, Naruto felt like it didn't matter that the Sasuke now didn't know him.

"You are very selfless, Naruto." Itachi commented. "I hope Sasuke has made you feel even a bit better. So, has Sasuke brought you somewhere nice already?"

"Alber –"

"Did he offer you money to spy on me..?" Sasuke interrupted Naruto, taking his place on his seat once more.

Naruto made a goofy smile. "Yes."

"Did you take it?"

"…No?"

Sasuke lightly punched Naruto's shoulder. "Pity, we could've split the fee. Think it through next time."

Itachi watched the exchange with an amused smile. "Really, brother? You found someone who likes Sherlock Holmes almost as obsessively as you do?"

Sasuke grinned. "No, but he apparently has a retentive memory when drunk." He slung his arm around Naruto's shoulders. "Oh, Sherlock Holmes pub, you are a magical place."

Itachi shook his head but he was still clearly amused.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

The last two days of Naruto's stay was spent kidding around with Sasuke and hopping in and out of the London Open Top Bus Tour. They went all around London laughing and acting every bit like best friends since birth. Naruto found that the reincarnated Sasuke was what he always expected Sasuke to be when he got older; smart, funny, successful, and close to Naruto.

It was like Sasuke never died. But Naruto knew it was a lie and he wasn't about to step across the line of friendship with this new Sasuke – not even if it ripped his fragile heart apart. He wouldn't take this Sasuke's rejection lightly – it would be akin to death for him.

And Naruto wasn't ready.

Sunday came and Naruto had exhausted his time in London. He found himself in the airport hugging Sasuke goodbye while crying. Naruto didn't even find enough space of thought in his unwillingness to leave Sasuke to feel embarrassed for crying in the raven's arms once more.

"Are you alright?" Sasuke murmured.

"…I can think of another Sherlock dialogue with that." Naruto sniffed.

Sasuke smiled and ruffled Naruto's hair. "Well, don't, because I want to know the real answer."

"I'm alright."

Sasuke pulled away from the hug and peered at Naruto's watery eyes. "You're so attached to me." He commented with a smile. "But then again, I feel attached to you too."

"Is… Is that a line?" Naruto asked as he rubbed his eyes.

Sasuke pulled Naruto's hand away and started patting Naruto's eyes dry. "No, I don't know. It could be."

"Yeah… it could be."

"Hey, Naruto."

Naruto made a noise.

"Where do you live?"

"San Francisco, why?"

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

Naruto stepped out of the automatic doors of the San Francisco International Airport, a dreary weather greeting him back home. He licked his lips and looked around for a head of pink hair.

After a wonderful vacation, he was back in San Francisco and with him was a good memory with the Sasuke of today. He gripped his luggage tightly as he supressed his feelings of regret.

Naruto had a good one week in London. It was great to see Sasuke again alive and well. And that was all he wanted…

"Right?" Naruto whispered to himself. "He's alive… and happy… That's… That's all I wanted to see." Unwillingly, his vision blurred and Naruto rolled his luggage over to the side of the airport facing the parking lot.

Naruto slid down the wall and crouched on the floor, tugging his luggage to cover his body as he allowed himself to cry out his pain.

It had been a hard vacation.

"Naruto? Oh, Naruto, what happened?"

Naruto sniffled and looked up to see his pink haired friend. In a flash, he was standing and encased comfortingly in his friend's arms. "Sakura… I met Sasuke again. He… really never lies to me…"

_"Dobe… I'll see you… again."_

"You… _what?_ " Sakura pulled away and took hold of Naruto's chin. "What do you mean you met Sasuke again?"

"Sasuke…" Naruto hiccupped.

"He's in London?"

Naruto nodded weakly.

Sakura pulled her friend into a hug once more. "Did you become his friend? You said you wanted to be his friend and watch him live happily. Is he happy there, Naruto?"

"Yes." Naruto wiped his tears away.

Sakura smiled at him. "We'll go back to London this week, Naruto. Let's live there!" She declared.

_"Where do you live?"_

_"San Francisco, why?"_

_"I'll visit you. That's why, Dummy."_

Naruto shook his head and smiled happily. "He said he'll visit."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

"Hey kid, close the door behind you, will you?"

Naruto closed the door and walked over to his grandmother's desk. "Why did you call for me, granny?"

"Sakura told me you made a friend in London?" Tsunade asked cautiously.

"Yes." Naruto grinned.

Tsunade's face brightened up. "That's great, kid. You've made another friend. I'm proud of you, Naruto."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

A month passed and Naruto heard nothing from Sasuke. It was hard to get a glimpse of heaven and given hope…

_"Dobe… I'll see you… again."_

After hope…

_"I'll visit you. That's why, Dummy."_

Then nothing.

Thump!

Naruto fell to the floor, his knees weak. His breathing was harsh as he stared into nothing with dead blue eyes and his body was limp and frail and he felt so much older than he was.

Blood dripped onto the floor with each second and it seemed to ease away the pain Naruto was feeling if only ever slightly. His tears trembled on the tips of his eyelashes. And Naruto didn't know if he was about to cry because of sorrow or pain. He didn't want to understand anything.

Not the one week that he was increasingly feeling was a dream.

Not the hugs and jokes he and the new Sasuke had exchanged with one another.

Not the one month that ended with barely a word from Sasuke.

Not anything.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Click.

Naruto didn't acknowledge the person moving closer to him. He knew it was Sakura. Just like the past few days, Sakura was checking up on him.

Sakura held a cloth to Naruto's wound, her own tears falling.

"I thought I'd be happy, Sakura… I thought it'd be enough to see him happy." Naruto looked at his friend with begging eyes. "Please. Tell me. Why am I not happy?"

"Naruto…" Sakura shook her head and hid behind her pink hair. "My god, I'm sorry. How can I help you? Naruto… I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Sasuke… Sasuke's happy…"

"Naruto, please, stop… Don't… Think about him anymore. He's… He's not _your Sasuke_."

"I don't understand... I don't understand." Naruto cried.

And together, on the floor of Naruto's bathroom, Sakura cried with Naruto for the whole afternoon.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

Naruto got out of the yellow cab and shut the door behind him. The sound of the engine slowly drifted away and soon all that was left for Naruto to hear was the patter of the rain. His clothes were getting soaked and he looked like a positive mess but Naruto didn't care. He was there for one reason and one reason only – to visit Sasuke. _His_ Sasuke.

With shaky steps, Naruto's shoes sank onto the wet soil of the ground and he went walking forward a few paces until he reached a patch of ground no different than the rest of the soil around him.

A loud plop sounded as Naruto unceremoniously dropped to his knees and gripped the soil underneath him. "Sasuke," He murmured reverently. "Sasuke, I miss you." Naruto whispered to the ground. His chest was heaving and his body shivering from the cold of the rain but none of it mattered to Naruto. All he could feel, all he could see was the patch of ground that covered his dead friend's body.

"You know, Sasuke," Naruto caressed the soil. "I went to London. It was what we dreamt about, wasn't it, Sasuke?" His pink lips formed a frown. "I met your reincarnation there. I wonder if that's the correct one. Or did the moon deliver you to someone else?" Naruto peered up at the moon above him. "I don't think so. He looks like Sasuke."

Blue eyes shifted from the moon and back to the ground. "He looks like you…" Naruto traced a finger along the ground. "I just wanted to visit you for a while. I think it's so crazy that I live far from you now. Well…" Naruto rubbed his chin and the soil marked his skin dark. "It's just a cab ride, I guess." Naruto shook his head and leaned forward until his forehead touched the wet soil. "But Sasuke, why aren't you coming back to me? Why? Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke…"

A tear rolled down Naruto's cheek. "Sasuke, I miss you. Please come back to me."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

Sakura banged open the door to a modest house, her hair windblown and her eyes wide and sparkling.

"You got something I need! Yeah!" Naruto's voice sang from above.

"Naruto!" Sakura called out excitedly as he ran up the stairs.

"And if we only die once, I wanna die with youuuu!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and entered her friend's room. She stalked over to her friend's laptop and muted the music.

"What gives?" Naruto whined. "That song is making me happy."

"With morbid lyrics?" Sakura tapped her foot on the floor before brightening up and pouncing on her friend. "Listen up, Naruto! I'm bringing you to BBQ King Mugaboka so dress up!"

"Why?" Naruto sighed.

Sakura squeezed her friend's face with a squeal. "Because! Sasuke lost your number and just called granny earlier! He's coming to visit in two days and we are celebrating!"

Naruto blinked. "Wait, what?"

"YES!" Sakura shouted. "Sasuke's cooomiiiing for youuuu!" She sang.

And the words, "But how did he find me?" were left unsaid.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

"You're acting like such a girl." Sakura giggled as she watched Naruto rummage through his small collection of clothes. "Just pick one already! You still have to drive to the airport!"

"Okay, okay!" Naruto tugged on a black shirt with a picture of a ramen on it. "I'm going." He ran out of the bedroom and grabbed his keys and wallet on the way to his front door. "Bye, Sakura!"

"Byeee!" Sakura shouted from the stairs as she followed him out.

Naruto consciously tugged at his spikes as he held up a sign for 'SASUKE HOLMES' with his left hand. He was nervous to say the least. He also felt angry at himself because of the bout of depression he had for a week after January just because Sasuke didn't contact him.

Sasuke's parting words at London...

_"I'll visit you. That's why, Dummy."_

…were strikingly similar to his Sasuke's last words before death.

_"Dobe… I'll see you… again."_

And Naruto berated himself over and over again for not believing in Sasuke's words.

"Naruto! Mr. Holmes over here!" Sasuke waved wildly as he ran out to greet the blonde.

Naruto ran over with a smile. "Oof!" He moaned as Sasuke crashed into his body. "Sasuke Holmes!" Naruto exclaimed when he regained his breath.

"Did you miss me?" Sasuke whispered as he hugged Naruto.

"No fair!" Naruto laughed. "Moriarty's dead!"

"Damn right. I wiiin!" Sasuke sang.

"You are so on the team! We've got the cup next week and we are going to annihilate them!"

"Oooh…" Sasuke pulled away and poked Naruto's chest with a disapproving face. "Annihilate? No. No violence, do you understand me? Not while I'm around. Not today, not ever." Sasuke attempted to flip his hair but failed and flicked his head to the side instead.

Naruto snorted.

"I'm the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm." Sasuke shook his head. "Ah, a Doctor Who fan, who knew?"

Naruto opened his arms as if to invite Sasuke for another hug. "That would be moi."

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

The cab drove down the road smoothly towards Sasuke's destination, the luggage of the raven safely kept in its trunk as the two young adults sat in the back seat with the old driver silently and easily manoeuvring his way through cars and streets.

Naruto was lost in thought. He had found Sasuke in London… another Sasuke; a living, breathing Sasuke. Sasuke… He was accompanying the raven to the hotel. Whatever business the raven had in San Francisco… How long was the raven staying?

Naruto didn't want to know.

He wanted no answers.

Reality was threatening to engulf him in grief once more.

Looking sideways at his handsome friend, Naruto's eyes softened.

Sasuke…

Naruto didn't want to lose him.

Not again.

Not for the third time.

Sasuke watched his blonde companion silently and the car's hum was the only sound for a few minutes. When their surroundings started darkening signalling night time, however, Sasuke patted his raven hair in contemplation.

"…Naruto?"

Blinking slowly, Naruto looked into black eyes so dark and alluring he wanted to jump into them and just… drown. "…yes?"

Sasuke looked at the time on the cab's dash and then back to Naruto. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

It took a second for Naruto to understand but a whole minute to process the implication and meaning. A grin spread wide on Naruto's face as he happily nodded his head. "Please."

_I can't bear to lose you one more time._

Sasuke nodded back. "Okay," He replied as he tapped on the glass to alert the driver and murmured a destination.

And like always, without a word and without question, Naruto allowed Sasuke to lead.

*~*Time Skip*~*

Upon entering the restaurant, Naruto's eyes opened wide in awe. It was a gorgeous place. On the side, a huge frog was mounted with the name "RAINFOREST CAFÉ" on top of it. There were fake trees and shrubs everywhere, a waterfall on one side, elephants on the other, monkeys, and birds. The sound of the rainforest filled the air and, with a startled jump on Naruto's part as he touched an elephant's ear, the animals moved, making loud sounds as they did.

"Oh my god." Naruto breathed. He jumped again as he felt a hand hold his and Naruto looked up the pale hand to the arm, the silk blue shirt, all the way up to a beautiful porcelain face.

Sasuke was looking at Naruto with magnetic black eyes, his hand tight on its hold of the blonde's tan hand, as he smiled charmingly. "Our table is this way." Sasuke said softly as he began to tug the blonde in the right direction.

Naruto followed, eyes darting everywhere with unbridled curiosity, his mouth agape.

When they sat down and got handed their menus, Sasuke gently took Naruto's menu away before whispering to the waitress who promptly left after jotting down notes on the paper she held.

Naruto didn't even notice. His attention was focused on all the magnificence surrounding him. Naruto's heart tugged achingly as he wondered what Sasuke would be feeling until, once again, a pale hand rested on top of his tan hand. Naruto redirected his gaze to his companion.

"Hi."

"Hi." Naruto bit his lip. His heart was fluttering as he realised that Sasuke was there and they were eating out and it was like… a date. "How do you like it?"

A look of confusion passed through Sasuke's face but it quickly melted into a smile. "I feel like a kid."

The answer pleased Naruto and he moved his hand to clasp Sasuke's, squeezing it. "Yes, we're such kids. Haven't we grown?" He smiled; a distant look in his eyes.

Sasuke's eyes twinkled in the dim light.

The waitress came by again and set down a plate of colourful nachos covered in cheese, pepper, beef, onion, and all sorts of yummy goodness.

Naruto's mouth watered and his stomach growled as he looked at the appetizer.

"So, let's eat." Sasuke said with a smile on his face as he observed Naruto. He squeezed the tan hand he held once before letting go and serving some nachos to Naruto.

"Thank you." Naruto said meekly as he accepted the nachos and took a bite. "God, this is so good." He praised and chowed down the rest on his plate. Naruto grabbed a nacho from the serving plate just as Sasuke returned the serving tong.

"I'm glad you like it."

Naruto tilted his head and smiled. "Mmhm."

The next dish that arrived on their table was Macadamia Crusted Mahi Mahi & Coconut Shrimp. It was mouth-watering and Naruto practically inhaled the food Sasuke was serving him.

When the Primal Steak and Mojo Bones arrived after, Naruto almost moaned at the sight of such heavenly delicious meats. His mouth literally watered from the smell and look of the dish that he didn't even wait for Sasuke to place it on his plate – he bit a piece off while Sasuke held it.

On Sasuke's part, he seemed to be enjoying feeding Naruto. He patiently held the meat before Naruto's mouth as the spareribs slowly disappeared and did the same for the rest of the pork, steak cuts, and fries.

"Arr joo awn eatin'?"

Sasuke raised his brows in amusement. "Eat all you want. Don't worry about me."

Never one to disobey Sasuke, Naruto did just that.

"VOLCANO!"

"VOLCANO!"

"VOLCANO!"

Naruto looked around in alarm as the waiters and waitresses started shouting Volcano all around. His eyes zoomed into a waiter – particularly, what he was holding. It was a plate red coloured plate that had what looked like blocks of brownies stacked up with vanilla ice cream inside it and on the top. A sparkler stuck into it finished the image.

"Happy Birthday?" Naruto mumbled in confusion. His face twisted into more intense confusion as the Volcano was placed on their table. "Er…" Naruto looked up at Sasuke who looking at him in anticipation. "Happy Birthday, Sasuke."

Sasuke snorted and then laughed loudly. When he caught his breath, he had a grin. "Naruto, it's not my birthday. That's dessert."

"Oh."

Sasuke chuckled and scooped up some brownie and ice cream, thrusting it towards Naruto who automatically ate it.

"Why are you feeding me, by the way?" Naruto finally asked.

"Hmm…" Sasuke tapped his chin. "Well," He raised his hand and accepted a drink from a passing waitress and placed it in front of Naruto before getting his own.

Naruto sipped the drink, eyes widening as the lemon taste exploded in his mouth. "Cool."

"Have I impressed you, Naruto?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke with innocent open eyes. "Yeah."

"I hope I haven't come onto you strongly… It's just – maybe I was presumptuous but – you checked into a very famous LGBT friendly hotel back in London so I've been thinking..." Sasuke smiled and scratched at his cheek. "I'm gay." He said, dropping his hand to drum a beat on the table. "I was wondering…" Sasuke licked his lips. "I know, we just met but I'm attracted to you. That's… that's what I'm saying."

"Oh." Naruto swallowed. "So we are on a date?" A beat and Naruto slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. Shit. He did not just say that!

Sasuke's eyes sparkled. "Yes, Naruto." He chuckled. "I'm so glad we're on the same page."

"But we aren't," refused to slip out of Naruto's lips.

*~*Time Skip*~*

After dinner, Sasuke was exhausted and ended up at Naruto's home. They showered and ended up sat on the couch with two cases of cold beer on the coffee table top; ready to spend the night lazing around.

"Nicknames and a highly competitive nature. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you grew up with a bunch of boys." A male's voice said from the television.

A female voice answered: "Good call."

"Aaah!" Naruto reclined on the couch, beer in hand. "You know, Sasu, I find Dr. Hodgins hot."

"Oh?" Sasuke furrowed his brows. "Why is that?"

Naruto gestured vaguely to the screen. "He's very understanding of Angela and he takes everything in stride. His love, I feel, is absolute. And he's smart." Just like my Sasuke.

"I see." Sasuke replied stonily.

"What? You don't like him?" Naruto raised a brow.

Sasuke took a swig of his beer. "That's not it." He leaned over to Naruto. "What about Booth?"

"Booth?" Naruto wrinkled his nose and shifted to let Sasuke lie on his arm more comfortably. "I don't like him. Too uptight. Too straight and narrow. And… he always puts his life on the line." Naruto sighed heavily and downed his beer. "I don't like that." He said softly.

One episode of Bones and a case of beer later, Naruto lay on his stomach on the couch with Sasuke's dead weight on top of him. Both of them were too drunk to bother moving from their uncomfortable positions as they watched another episode.

"Ya know, Narutooo," Sasuke drawled. "I – Oooh look at the pineapples!" He tapped on Naruto's head. "I want pineapples!"

Naruto groaned and massaged his head. "Doon't hiiiit meee. Iiit hurts!"

"Pineapplessss!" Sasuke wiggled in joy. "So yellow!" He poked Naruto's head. "Like your haiiir!"

"Stop iiit, Sasuuu!"

"Naruuuto! I was sayin' somethiiing!" Sasuke huffed, his breath hitting Naruto's cheek. "I was sayin', ya knooow, I'm like Hodgkins – Hodge – Hooodgiiinees – Hodgins!"

Naruto snickered. "Hodgepumpkins!"

"Dumbasssss!"

"Pinesukeee!"

Sasuke laughed into Naruto's ear. "Hey, you're myyy Naruugelaaa! You be myyyy Narugelaaa and I beee you'reee Sasuuugins!"

"Mmm… Sasuugins!" Naruto repeated drunkenly. "Youuu a Hodgkins?"

"No! No! Sasugiiins! I'm puuurfect! I'm not straight and I ain't narroooow!" Sasuke tugged blonde hair. "Stooopid Narugelaaa!"

"Dobe! Dobe! I'm yeeer Dobe!" Naruto snuggled into his couch.

"Dobee? Whatta Dobe?"

"Meee! Dobe!"

Sasuke sniggered. "Okiiieee, ya Dobe!"

They settled down in companionable silence and watched the rest of the show. Well, they tried to watch the rest of the show and they get an A+ for effort even though they ended up dozing off on most of the episode and the one after it.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Mnnngh!"

THUMP! BA-THUMP!

"Ooow!" Naruto clutched at his head in pain, his vision swimming. "Whaaa..?"

BANG! BANG! BOOOOM!

"Huh?" Naruto looked around him and saw his screen. Through his blurry vision he made out Booth holding a gun and lots of fighting flashing on the television. "Mmn…" He flopped back onto the carpet and slept again.

Sasuke was out cold; not even making any action to indicate falling down onto the carpet from his perch on the couch disturbed his sleep.

And they continued sleeping well into the third day's morning, the television screen black and the room reeking of beer and sweat.

Sasuke woke first, grumbling mindlessly as he sluggishly attempted to get up from the floor with his headache. After a few minutes of wriggling around on the floor, he crawled over to Naruto and poked the man's sweaty back. "Hey, Dobe!"

Naruto groaned and turned around, smashing his face onto the gap between the couch and carpeted floor. "Sleeep…"

"Doobe!"

Naruto twitched and then he sat up in a flash, his eyes wide and staring at Sasuke. "The fuck did you just call me?"

"Dobe. You said you're 'Dobe'." Sasuke answered, clutching his head.

Naruto stared at the raven for a while, ignoring the thumping in his head. "I… see." He inhaled deeply and stood up, muttering 'aspirin'.

Sasuke's hand suddenly shot up and grabbed onto the blonde.

Naruto, who wasn't prepared for the sudden tug, collapsed onto Sasuke and they both found themselves back on the ground. "Whaaat?" Naruto moaned. "My head huuurts!"

"Me too!" Sasuke replied. "No, no aspirin, you idiot!" He muttered. "Blood thinners. Bad for you."

"Then whaaat?"

"Eggs, banana, sports drink, soup, or fruit juice. Get something." Sasuke whined.

Naruto rolled over, stood up again, and staggered to the kitchen. "Fuck!" He opened the fridge and tiredly grabbed the bottle of juice. When he got back to Sasuke, the raven was sat on the couch shaking his head from side to side. Naruto pressed the cold bottle onto Sasuke's neck.

"What?"

"It's…" Sasuke frowned as he tried to figure out a reason. He grumbled and stood up, staggering over to his kitchen to grab two bottles of juice. "Pineapple." He murmured appreciatively as he took a swig.

Going back to the living room, Sasuke went to Naruto's side and pressed the cold bottle against the blonde's cheek.

"Mmnn!" Naruto moaned and swiped the bottle from Sasuke's hands. It rolled a few inches away before Naruto caught it and screwed the cap open to take a sip. "Cold…"

Still standing, Sasuke hazily looked at the blonde's profile from the side, his blood rushing to his groin from the moan. "Fuck, that was hot."

Naruto looked up, blue eyes dull with sleep, and quirked a brow. "What?"

"Uh… my head." Sasuke replied.

"What?" Naruto sat up and lay back on the couch with his eyes closed. "Pineapple."

Sasuke took a seat on the couch and ruffled Naruto's hair, leaning in to take a sniff. "Hey…"

"Umnnn?"

"Let's go out."

"I'm sorry."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

The first day of Sasuke's arrival passed fairly quickly and it was the next morning before Naruto knew it. It was odd because he couldn't remember much of what happened last night. Well, he didn't know what any of it meant.

_"Let's go out."_

_"I'm sorry."_

And he just found himself staring out at the moon, sat up on his bed, while Sasuke slept beside him on the other side of the mattress.

Naruto didn't know if it was good that his bed was big and Sasuke was too far to reach or if he was cursing himself for not buying a smaller bed.

When Sasuke woke that morning, he asked for permission to live in Naruto's home – hotel booking cancelled. Not denying the raven anything, Sasuke settled in fast.

Naruto was conscious after rejecting Sasuke the other day but he didn't have time to ponder.

Somehow, they both always ended up busy and tired from work, barely spending the quality time they both wanted to have and Sasuke meant to experience again with visiting. And so, their days ended up passing quickly and similarly like a fast-forwarded programmed routine.

Sasuke would wake up early and make them both breakfast. Then they would eat together and Sasuke would try to make small talk about the work he was doing in San Francisco and the most random things. But the random things were the ones that Naruto thought were designed to hurt him most.

"You know, Naruto, I think it's great to live with you. I mean, I've always lived alone ever since I left Itachi saying I wanted to be independent but I miss living with someone."

And all Naruto could do was reply stiffly with: "Y-yeah, I understand. It's lonely living alone."

Then Sasuke would smile and completely miss the pain in Naruto's eyes.

But other than the words that stabbed at his heart, Naruto barely registered the days passing by. Every day seemed to be a blur and he'd just find himself awake at night, crying quietly as he watched Sasuke sleep.

Sometimes, just sometimes, in the afternoon after Sasuke leaves for work and he had an hour to go before leaving himself, he'd go inside his bathroom and cut himself while crying.

When the last day of the week arrived, Naruto sat on his window's ledge looking out his window at the sunrise contemplating death.

He wondered if he had to die and be reincarnated before experiencing bliss with the Sasuke on his bed. That just maybe he had already exhausted his life with Sasuke in this life and he had to die to be reincarnated as well.

And then that night, Sasuke stood on Naruto's doorway with his luggage in hand. His black eyes were awake and alert yet sad as he informed Naruto he was going back to the Argonaut Hotel for the rest of his stay in San Francisco.

"Naruto… I… I hope we can regain our intimacy. I feel like… I'm back to square one with you. I'm sorry if I bothered you during my stay. Well, I'm… I'm leaving now. Thank you, Naruto." Sasuke smiled sadly. "I'll call and let's hang out, okay?"

Naruto didn't respond to Sasuke.

_"You know, Naruto, I think it's great to live with you."_

The blonde found himself thinking about dying while looking into black eyes.

_Were you lying to me, Sasuke?_

Naruto's mind was consumed with grief and suicidal thoughts once more after the raven left… And he stopped leaving his house for work.

_It's for the best… Right?_

Often, he would go into a rampage around his house, regretting not being able to fully enjoy Sasuke's presence in his house.

_No._

And then he would curl up into a ball, remembering that it was too painful to speak to the raven.

_I love you._

Because his heart broke every time he saw the raven.

_But I shouldn't._

He didn't want to be Sasuke's friend.

_I want you._

He wanted to be Sasuke's lover.

_But I won't._

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

Naruto curled up into a ball in his bathtub, the tight space squeezing him and shielding him from the outside world as his wrist bled out. The scent of steel filled the air and calmed him. His tongue darted out occasionally, tasting the red liquid. It melted in his mouth, sweet and tragically exquisite.

His eyes were burning in more ways than one and though the blue was clear and not clouded, Naruto couldn't see past his memories. He was engulfed in seemingly – and almost – permanent horror.

It was almost as if he had been transported into a tragic movie with him and his lover as the main characters. A tragic movie, a terrible nightmare, an apocalypse, an invasion, a drunken imagination of the twisted part of his soul, a – something, anything, was fine so long as someone told him what was happening wasn't reality. It couldn't be. It shouldn't be.

The wailing siren and screams was all he could hear.

Red and blue the only things he could see.

Wet blood was all he could feel.

And agony, denial, sorrow – everything hurt.

"SASUKE!" Howled a miserable voice.

He couldn't understand who was screaming but his own mouth was open and his throat felt wounded. There was no air in his lungs. And it slowly dawned on him that he was the one shouting; screaming in so much pain because everything hurt. Life wasn't worth living anymore. He couldn't feel reality.

"Sasuke…" He sobbed.

Naruto was holding onto a cooling hand as he looked past his tears to burn the image of his lover dying in his arms; his lover – his strong lover – who was holding onto life just to look back into his blue eyes with his black ones. His lover… Sasuke… who was mouthing the words 'Don't die'.

His lover's last words engraved themselves in Naruto's heart, breaking the already shattered pieces.

And like the horror movie Naruto dearly wished it was, Sasuke coughed out blood, squeezed his hand, smiled with obvious effort, and…

Died.

And Naruto couldn't remember what reality was anymore.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

"Naruto… This is crazy. Why would you want to die?"

Naruto tilted his head, eyes unseeing. "You don't understand, Sakura." He said. "If I die, maybe I can be reincarnated and live a life with Sasuke. But I can't die."

"Naruto, don't you understand? You don't need to. Sasuke's alive! You guys can be together with your current life." Sakura squeezed the tan hands she held. "Just ask him out."

"No… you don't understand." Naruto frowned. "I can't… Sasuke…" I'll die if he rejects me and if he doesn't…

"You're being ridiculous! He asked you out first!"

_If he loves me…_

"He's my reincarnated Sasuke so if he loves me again, Sakura,"

_Being my Sasuke…_

"Sasuke will die again."

_For me._

"And I'm not allowed to die."

_This is Sasuke's life I'm using._

"I have no right."

_Though I would want to die with him._

Sakura's brows furrowed as she understood that there was a meaning behind her friend's words. She wiped Naruto's tears away. "What do you mean, Naruto?" Sakura asked softly.

_"I love you, Dobe." Sasuke smiled as he sat up on the floor with much effort. "Do you see the moon?"_

_Naruto nodded. "I see, Sasuke…"_

_"We're eight years old, Naruto."_

_"Yes…" Naruto pressed his lips on Sasuke's hand._

_"You know… At our age, we shouldn't know what love is yet. Not death either." Sasuke wiped the tears on Naruto's face away. "Don't cry, Naruto. Really, you're… such a cry baby."_

_"Sasuke…"_

_"Dobe… You better live long because the moon just carried my spirit away so I can be reborn soon."_

_Naruto sobbed. "Don't leave me…"_

_"I won't…" Sasuke took hold of Naruto's chin and looked into the blue eyes of his love. "I won't, Dobe. I'll see you in the future. Dobe, look at the moon. I'm there. I'll see you when we're older. And I'll… I'll be healthy."_

_"I love you… I love you… I love you, Sasuke."_

_Sasuke tugged Naruto and hugged the blonde. "I love you too, Naruto."_

_"I… want to die with you, Sasuke…"_

_"No, Dobe." Sasuke ran his hand through soft blonde hair. "I saved your life… Don't… throw my life away. I'm giving you this life of mine so you don't die."_

"You know, Sakura…" Naruto said softly. "Sasuke died when we were kids… A burglar raided our place and I stupidly confronted him because he was getting the last of our food… He… He ran over to stab me but Sasuke…" Naruto inhaled deeply. "Sasuke saved me… We didn't have money… Or anything, really… I couldn't…"

Naruto looked away from Sakura, his lips trembling. "I couldn't do anything but stay with him as he died… I couldn't wrap his wounds or apply medicine onto it… We had nothing…" Naruto tugged his own hair harshly. "Sasuke… really loved me."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

"Hey, Naruto, over here!" Sasuke waved wildly from the entrance of the mall.

Naruto ran over with a small smile. "Hey…"

Sasuke smiled. "Well, let's go, the movie's starting in five minutes."

The movie took an hour but really, Naruto couldn't even remember what he watched. He was so focused on not holding Sasuke's hand that was so near his own and he held his tears back with much effort as he basked in the proximity of the raven.

Naruto didn't know if he was happy that the movie ended late at night so that they didn't need to hang out with each other for long before they went back to their respective homes or if he was too numb by the cold to feel his devastation.

"Naruto," Sasuke dragged Naruto into a hug. "Thanks for watching with me. Let's hang out again soon."

"Y-yeah…" Naruto nodded stiffly.

They parted ways and Naruto wondered if Sakura persuading him to hang out with Sasuke before the raven left for London was a good idea after all. His heart couldn't take it. Nor could his mind.

Halfway back to his home, Naruto turned around and ran back to the mall with a frown, wondering if the guards would allow him to get his forgotten wallet.

Naruto tripped on his steps as he saw Sasuke's back. He froze as he watched the scene unfold in front of him and in a second, he was stumbling away until he hit a tree. His eyes were wide and he held in his bile as he saw Sasuke kiss a man.

_"So we are on a date?"_

_"Yes, Naruto. I'm so glad we're on the same page."_

He didn't know how long it took him but he ran…

_"Let's go out."_

He ran to Sakura's home in tears.

_"Really, you're… such a cry baby."_

Naruto choked out a laugh as he remembered the words but even then, he couldn't stop crying. He knocked on Sakura's door but she wasn't home. So Naruto slumped down onto his friend's porch and waited until Sakura arrived.

_"Naruto… I… I hope we can regain our intimacy._

_I feel like… I'm back to square one with you._

_I'm sorry if I bothered you during my stay._

_Well, I'm… I'm leaving now._

_Thank you, Naruto."_

"Were you… telling me you gave up on me back then, Sasuke?" Naruto murmured; his eyes unfocused.

Sakura found him an hour later, sleeping on the floor, crying and her face was steeled and her green eyes were as watery as his and her voice, when she spook, was shaking but firm. "Naruto, I won't allow this to go on!" She shook her friend. "Look at you! You're… You're thinner than before! You can't do this to yourself!"

"You don't understand, Sakura… Sasuke's back… I… Sasuke's back. Can't you understand?" Naruto asked; desperation rang clear in his voice.

"Naruto… Naruto, it's just been half a month since Sasuke came. You've been seeing him a lot lately. Why? Why do you look like the living dead? I thought you would be happy!"

"I'm happy… I'm happy…" Naruto murmured tiredly.

"You don't look happy." Sakura snapped. "If you want, Naruto, I can make sure he leaves San Francisco immediately."

"No! _NO!_ " Naruto's eyes were wide and suddenly, his already thin face looked so much thinner. "San Francisco is Sasuke's home…" He whispered. "As well as mine. And it's… No, damn it! I won't cry!"

"What is it? What's wrong, Naruto? Tell me… Please tell me." Sakura pleaded. She felt her heart breaking as she held her friend. "Naruto, tell me…"

"It's just… I saw him kissing someone."

Sakura gasped.

"Sakura… Don't tell him to go away. I… I can't handle seeing him leave me again."

_For the fourth time._

"He can… leave but still be near me. He can't leave me."

_Not permanently._

_Not ever._

"This isn't healthy, Naruto." Sakura's voice wavered, a feeling too near grief marking her words.

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

"Hi," _Sasuke_. Naruto's chest throbbed. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah… I was wondering if I did something wrong."

Naruto looked up. "Why would you think that?"

Sasuke scratched his cheek. "Um. It's just… You always seem so sad to see me and… We don't really talk anymore… I mean, I –I don't know, I guess I thought we became really close in London but… This past month, I just… Is it my fault? Because I... asked you out..."

"Oh. Um…" Naruto swallowed. "No. It's… It's nothing. I've just been… grieving."

"Grieving…" Sasuke cocked his head to the side. "Still? Do I… remind you of that person?"

Naruto blinked, surprised and for a moment, he didn't hurt as he looked into black eyes. "Yes, you do." Naruto smiled.

"I see…" Sasuke fiddled with his jacket's zipper. "You know… you… well, I feel like I know you from before London. Do you think… can you tell me how the person you grieved about died?"

Naruto shook his head. "No… It won't do any good. He really died. I was with him until his last breath. I… buried him too because we had no money. It's…" Blue eyes flashed.

_"Sasuke, stay with me…"_

_Sasuke coughed out blood, squeezed his hand, smiled with obvious effort, and… Died._

_I understand._

_I understand, Sasuke._

_You didn't answer me for a reason._

_I understand._

_Finally._

_Thank you, Sasuke._

_Thank you._

"Listen," Naruto strained a smile towards Sasuke, gripping the raven's hands in his. "I want you to be happy. I don't think I'm helping you with that. I think it's best if we just stop meeting up."

Sasuke froze, face in shock. "Naruto, you're wrong." He said breathily. "When we're together, messing about, doing everything we did, we were happy." Sasuke whispered and his face was contorted in sadness. "Remember London? And my first day here? We were happy together, Naruto."

Naruto closed his eyes. "No, I..."

Sasuke bit his lip, shaking his head in denial. "No. Why? What did I do?"

_No, Sasuke._

"Naruto,"

_We were happy but I can't…_

"Naruto, what did I do?"

_I can't see you with others._

"Naruto, please."

A cold hand clasped Naruto's and the blonde almost shivered as a dead Sasuke flashed through his mind.

_I can't._

"Naruto,"

_I…_

"Naruto?"

_I couldn't bear it._

Sasuke let out a deep exhale. "Okay. I'm sorry." He whispered, squeezing Naruto's hand before turning around and walking away.

Naruto's eyes fluttered open and he watched the back of the man he had waited for since that night he buried his soul mate. He drew in a shuddering breath and whispered softly, "I love you."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

"So, I'm leaving for London again." Sasuke murmured and bit his lip as Naruto replied with a nod. "Are you really sure about us not staying in contact with each other anymore? You're fine with it?" He pressed.

Naruto let go of the hand he was holding. "Yes."

_I'm not fine._

"…Okay, I understand." Sasuke whispered, pressing a kiss on Naruto's blonde spikes. "Thank you for… Thank you."

Naruto didn't know how long he sat there in the booth where Sasuke left him to leave for… wherever. Naruto didn't even remember. He didn't want to. All he knew was that, for the second time in his life, Sasuke was leaving him alone in the cold world that he just wanted to leave and it was his fault.

_"You can't die."_

It was like Sasuke had damned him to living. But he knew Sasuke didn't mean it that way. Not his Sasuke.

Then Naruto was up and running out of the coffee shop. He hailed a passing taxi and clambered in, mouthing out the address he knew by heart. It was raining out; a dark and gloomy night. And the streets passed by the window Naruto stared out of but nothing registered in his mind until the cab stopped. Wordlessly, Naruto paid the driver and stepped out into the pouring rain.

He didn't mind.

In front of him was a pavement, normal grey pavement, then grassland. Naruto walked up to it and kneeled down, eyes traveling from the concrete to the grass. His tears fell hot down his cheeks as he grasped some of the leaves.

Mind in a haze from sadness, Naruto crawled on his hands and knees until he was ten steps away from the pavement. His knees were dirty with mud and his hands dug down into the earth underneath. Naruto closed his eyes and allowed the rain to keep pounding down. Slowly, gingerly, and with reverence, Naruto lay down on the grass. His breathing was harsh as he pressed his cheek onto the ground. His hands fisted the soil and he lifted it up to his nose and inhaled the scent before wiping the dirt over his face.

Naruto's body was racked with sobs as he caressed the ground beneath him.

"Sasuke… Sasuke… Sasuke…" Naruto murmured. "What do I do? I want to die with you. I want to die." Naruto coughed harshly. "Sasuke… tell me what to do… please." He pleaded and started to shake his head violently. "I love you. I miss you. I want to be with you. Sasuke… tell me to stop living! I can't continue with this."

Naruto fell silent for a while and his body stilled. He blew out and it was almost like smoke slipped out of his lips. "Am I being a dobe again? Did I misunderstand you? Why didn't you say you would stay... with me?"

The rain slowly let up its heavy downpour until it was only drizzling but it was still dark out.

"Sasuke… we were eight. How could you tell me to keep living?" Naruto cried. "I saw you again… I'm so scared, Sasuke. I don't want you to die again in my arms. I'll do anything but… this pain… it's too much. I _want_ you."

"Then take me."

Naruto froze for a second then he whipped his head to the direction of the voice, eyes opening to see. "Who… You?" He breathed out, unsure of which Sasuke it was. Naruto looked down at the ground. "Sasuke… Is this you?"

"You know… I don't understand."

"What..?" Naruto looked back at the Sasuke before him. The man was dripping wet.

"I was always drawn here. There's nothing here." Sasuke gestured to the deserted place. "But I was always drawn here. Even today. I came by to look at this place one last time. And here you are whispering my name and asking questions and… everything. But why are you looking at the ground when I'm here?"

Sasuke looked up to the sky. "It doesn't matter…" He said softly. "I feel… I will die in my own arms if you continue this. Naruto, what are you afraid of?"

"You… will die."

"Me…" Sasuke licked his lips. "Me dying?" He shook his head. "From the first moment I met you, I felt attached to you. I feel like I've known you my whole life. I trust you. With my life… I'm only 20 and I don't want pain but when you let me walk… I can't describe it. I felt like I was in despair yet I love you. I don't understand."

"Sasuke…" Naruto whispered. "What are you saying?"

Sasuke looked into Naruto's blue eyes. "I'm saying that I love you with my whole being even whilst not knowing why. I'm saying I trust you for reasons unknown. I'm saying I'm here and you're here and this is all… fate? Destined? It's something. Something precious and important."

Naruto looked back at Sasuke, eyes wary.

"I'm saying, Naruto, I want to stay. Stay with you. Wherever that may be. And I don't know why." Sasuke walked forward and knelt in front of Naruto. "Who is Sasuke?"

"Beneath me… Beneath soil…" Naruto whimpered in sadness. "Is Sasuke… Eight year old Sasuke… My…"

_Lover? We weren't old enough for that. But I… I grew older and realised it._

" _My_ Sasuke. _My_ … lover. Only… he didn't live long enough for that. We… were so young and so lost." Naruto sobbed. "We lived such a terrible life but it was great enough because… I had Sasuke and he had me." He smiled but it seemed painful. Naruto pressed his palm onto the ground. "Sasuke, I love you. Can you hear me? Is this it? Is this… should I stop being a… a cry baby?" Naruto chuckled breathily through his tears.

Sasuke reached out and took Naruto's hand into his own. "Am I…" He held the hand to his lips and waited for Naruto to turn and look. "Sasuke?"

Naruto inhaled sharply. "I don't know…" He whispered. "Are you?"

Sasuke kissed the hand and each of the fingertips, soil smudging dirt onto his lips. He reached out and cupped Naruto's cheek. "I'll be your Sasuke, Naruto." He said softly with much tender affection.

"Then…" Naruto covered Sasuke's hand on his cheek with his own hand. "Then tell me what to do."

"Naruto," Sasuke leaned in until his forehead touched with Naruto's. "Stay with me."

"Okay." Naruto answered.

Their lips met and it was gentle and sweet and loving and caring and… it was everything Sasuke was.

Naruto pulled back, out of breath as renewed tears flowed from his glittering blue eyes. "I love you."

Sasuke smiled. "I love you too." He pressed a kiss onto Naruto's forehead. "I love you too."

"Don't die."

*~*~*Do you believe in reincarnation?*~*~*

One Year Later...

The loud hum of the air conditioner filled the room along with the pants of breath, moans, and the occassional shouting. It was yet another Christmas spent in London and this time around, Naruto and Sasuke spent it indoors.

"Sasu..." Naruto gasped, his hands gripping his lover's bare shoulder. "Sasu... mnn..."

Sasuke grunted as he shifted his position a bit with a grimace. "Nar, relax..." He murmured as he inserted two fingers up the blonde's anus. "Relax..."

"I'm trying." Naruto gasped again. "It's just - o-oh! Ah! There! There! Right there! Oh god, do it again." He shuddered and burried his face in Sasuke's neck.

"Sure," Sasuke replied easily as he gently rubbed the sweet spot inside his lover. His free hand traced up the golden body from hips to upper back, caressing the soft hot flesh. "How's it like being bottom so far?"

"S'good." Naruto mumbled.

"Great." Sasuke breathed. He leaned in close to Naruto's neck, planted a soft kiss and licked the area. "I love you." Grinning, he placed another finger inside his lover. "I should do this often now."

"Uhnn... what, you... don't like me topping?"

"Mmm... no, that's not it. I just enjoy holding you." Sasuke's brow furrowed in concentration as he started stretching Naruto's anus more. "This part of you seems to agree with me..."

"Stop it... that's embarrassing!" Naruto whined.

"Not as embarassing as when you shouted to me to stop just when we got to the good part." Sasuke slid his fingers out and squirted more lube onto his hand before proceeding to lube himself up.

"That was once!" Naruto exclaimed defensively as he leaned back to look at Sasuke in the eye. "I was nervous. I would've let you continue but you went all caring on me and made me do you instead." His blue eyes glowed as it stared straight at black eyes before moving downwards to the erotic scene of Sasuke spreading lube all over his cock. "That's hot..."

Sasuke let out a startled laugh. "You're even more open and different when we have sex, you know that?" He shook his head, amused, as he maneouvred Naruto to lie flat on the bed and then positioned the tip of his cock before Naruto's entrance.

"I'm just open because it's you." Naruto smiled, reaching out a hand to hold Sasuke's cheek.

Sasuke's eyelids lowered and he smiled fondly back at Naruto. "I know but... even Sakura says you've changed too ever since we got together." He nuzzled his nose into the crook of Naruto's neck. "In a good way, I hope."

"Of course, it is..." Naruto moved his hand up to ruffle Sasuke's hair. "Hurry up and enter me."

Sasuke moved away and sat down with a laugh. "I got it. I got it. How demanding..." He got back into place and inserted his tip in slowly. "Doing okay?"

"Mm... yes..."

Sasuke moved in slowly, his concentration clearly shown on his face. When he fully entered up to his hilt, Sasuke paused. "Naruto." He said tightly.

"Move."

Releasing a breath, Sasuke pulled out a bit then thrust back in, repeating the motions in a steady pace. His sweat rolled off him onto Naruto's bare chest, both their breaths mingled as they heavily inhaled and exhaled air. "God..."

"I'm - I'm your god." Naruto said with effort through a breathy chuckle.

"So glad..." Sasuke inhaled deeply. "You can make a joke at this time."

Naruto grinned and hugged Sasuke close. "Of course. Fuck me harder."

"As you wish." Sasuke licked his lips, steadied himself with a hand holding onto the headboard and with a quick murmur of, "Thank god," he pushed back in Naruto hard.

"Ah! Awh! Oh, yes! Sasu!" Naruto screwed his eyes shut in pleasure and his hold on Sasuke tightened. "More, more!"

"Demanding." Sasuke commented lightheartedly as he obeyed and gave in to his own desires, thrusting in and out in an unsteady but animilastic pace focused solely on pleasure and nothing else. "Naru... fuck yeah." Sasuke slid his free hand down Naruto's taut sweaty stomach to the blonde's throbbing hot organ and started stroking it roughly, his ring finger intently giving service to the slit.

Naruto hardened his grip on Sasuke, his back arching up, as he stopped breathing for a moment, the pleasure in him too intense to take in. "Sasuke! Sasuke! Fuck, Sasuke!"

"Nar... you close? I'm - I'm close!" Sasuke gasped, he felt his stomach tighten and his cock throb thickly. "Nar," With much effort, Sasuke smiled and looked into Naruto's squinting eyes. "Merry Christmas."

Naruto let out a breath of disbelief but a smile crept up his lips and he replied back himself, "Merry Christmas, Sasuke."

Sasuke grinned for a split second before pounding into Naruto and shouting in passion as he orgasmed inside his lover, the convulsing smooth flesh around his cock milking him for all he was worth.

Naruto groaned as he felt the cum shoot deep inside him triggering a pleasant sensation and a second later, he gasped out Sasuke's name as his vision whitened and he ejaculated into Sasuke's hand.


End file.
